Two nuns, Sister Marilyn and Sister Helen, are traveling through Europe in their car. They get to Transylvania and are stopped at a traffic light.  Suddenly, out of nowhere, a tiny little Dracula jumps onto the hood of the car and hisses through the windshield.

"Quick, quick!" shouts Sister Marilyn.  "What shall we do?"

"Turn the windshield wipers on. That will get rid of the abomination," says Sister Helen.

Sister Marilyn switches them on, knocking Dracula about, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"What shall I do now?" she shouts.

"Switch on the windshield washer. I filled it up with Holy Water at the Vatican," says Sister Helen.

Sister Marilyn turns on the windshield washer. Dracula screams as the water burns his skin, but he clings on and continues hissing at the nuns.

"Now what?" shouts Sister Marilyn?

"Show him your cross!" says Sister Helen.

"Now you're talking," says Sister Marilyn.

She opens the window and shouts, "Get the fuck off our car!
 

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A man and a woman are driving in the car when they see a wounded skunk on the side of the road. They stop, the woman gets out, picks it up and brings it back into the car.

She says: "It looks cold, what should I do?"

He says: "Put it between your legs."

She says: "What about the smell?"

He says: "Hold its nose."

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How To Keep A Healthy Level of Sanity

1. At lunch time, sit in your parked car w/sunglasses on and point a hair dryer at passing cars...See if they slowdown.

2. Page yourself over the intercom. Don't disguise your voice.

3. Insist that your e mail address is: Xena-Warrior-Princess@companyname.com (or) Elvis-the-King@companyname.com

4. Every time someone asks you to do something, ask if they want fries with that.

5. Encourage your colleagues to join you in a little synchronized chair dancing.

6. Put your garbage can on your desk and label it "IN."

7. Develop an unnatural fear of staplers.

8. Put decaf in the coffee maker for 3 weeks. Once everyone has gotten over their caffeine addictions, switch to espresso.

9. In the memo field of all your checks, write "for sexual favors".

10. Reply to everything someone says with, "that's what you think."

11. Finish all your sentences with "In accordance with the prophecy."

12. Adjust the tint on your monitor so that the brightness level lights up the entire work area. Insist to others that you like it that way.

13. Don't use any punctuation.

14. As often as possible, skip rather than walk.

15. Ask people what sex they are. Laugh hysterically after they answer.

16. Specify that your drive-through order is "to go".

17. Sing along at the opera.

18. Go to a poetry recital and ask why the poems don't rhyme.

19. Find out where your boss shops and buy exactly the same outfits. Wear them one day after your boss does. (This is especially effective if your boss is of the opposite gender.)

20. Send e-mail to the rest of the company to tell them what you're doing. For example, "If anyone needs me, I'll be in the bathroom, in stall #3."

21. Put mosquito netting around your cubicle. Play a tape of jungle sounds all day.

22. Five days in advance, tell your friends you can't attend their party because you're not in the mood.

23. Call the psychic hotline and don't say anything.

24. Have your coworkers address you by your wrestling name, Rock Hard.

25. When the money comes out of the ATM, scream "I Won!", "I Won!".."3rd time this week!!!"

26. When leaving the zoo, start running towards the parking lot yelling "Run for your lives, they're loose!"

27. Tell your boss, "It's not the voices in my head that bother me, it's the voices in your head that do."

28. Tell your children over dinner, "Due to the economy, we are going to have to let one of you go."

29. Every time you see a broom, yell "Honey, your mother is here!"

30. And the final way to keep a healthy level of insanity......send this e-mail to everyone in your address book, even if they sent it to you or have asked you not to send them stuff like this.


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